Monday, September 30, 2024
Meeting
My meeting to work on the cruise, I will go at 2 - 4 P.M. I used the 1st e-mail after checking all 3, for the Zoom link.
Plan
I guess I'm still thirsty and will go to bed in a bit. I need to clean my ears, too, sometime..
Agenda (Revised)
I might wait and shower tomorrow morning and go to sleep soon, so I can shower tomorrow morning before the meeting, in case I'm interviewed.
Agenda, for Now
I have my 2 hour meeting tomorrow at 9:30 - 10:00 A.M., online.
It's 1:40 A.M. I want to take a shower, probably, and sleep for that.
I have to see if I'm staying and probably order more groceries, want something healthier, maybe frozen egg rolls.
I could even get DoorDash, tomorrow.
So, tomorrow it's either that I will stay here about another month or a bit longer or go to a homeless shelter sometime. I'm also saving up for furniture, in case I don't get help with that. I'm getting together ideas for groceries and trying to find a job when I get a place. I was told I could stay here til I find a place, but I refuse to pay and if I did would have to put it on my bankruptcy bill and make sure that works.
Racial Acceptance by Conservative Whites, More
People think if they accept me, they have to accept others of my race, but there aren't many.
film|boards
(link)
Should we just close up to being, like, "counseled" or "mentored?"
Baby Boomers seemed open to good kids and ones that seemed to have a legitimate frustration, like if they were too attractive for most adults. This covers people born in the mid/late 1960s and on until today. The older "children," Early Generation X, seem to be trying to make Baby Boomers feel inappropriate and incapable, when they say they are older.
It seems if we get affection, it's from people no one likes, like Italian men who themselves are the children of Baby Boomers or Late Golden Age people.
I used to be encouraged to getting affection from others in the future, you know older people who seem attractive like parents to me. They can be, like, 10 or 15 years older and on. I don't like it when they act like they're not enough like a parent or not enough even as me. We're all people, too, and have different pasts and the same dreams of pleasure.
So, anyway, now you see these white-blonde haired, blue eyed girls in the U.S. being given all the attention of anyone, Latino, older Italian-American ladies, anyone, the Germans themselves's nod of approval and special treatment, I bet/imagine. That's good, though, but what about me and some others? It's like I turned into a bad person since being monitored in private, with the base excuse that I had a hard time in piano when I took 21 credit hours etc. How does that make me of social disposal and a subject to racism in "Florida"/Orlando?
Then, of course Andre Rieu is getting all the pleasure and attention. It's not a valid issue to freak out like it will just stop altogether or get bad. He's "White." He's already famous and successful. He's got the eye of many, man, woman, old, young.
People even claim that these other people are not gifted, who are getting attention, white-blonde haired blue eyed American girls. They encourage them towards feeling they would be accepted by Andre Rieu. Notice I get told things like I'm too good for attractive Baby Boomers, like I'm too smart and not the type. That's not true…
Also, Europe seems to have 4 day work weeks, and school is a recently new invention in a way it seems for learning to read the Bible. We should focus on food and fun.
Sunday, September 29, 2024
Andre Rieu
I guess Andre Rieu could fight my dad off because my dad is kinda backwards and doesn't do much.
Joni is supposed to know that my dad is a problem but not always when it comes to defending him against others other than me, I guess, or maybe like Michael, my younger brother.
I can only laugh at why people make fun of me for Andre Rieu's magazine Margariete, but you know I'm not really saying anything just affirming that I laugh sorta without telling it in his face. I say it here, instead, I don't care and don't say anything in private for anyone.
Classical Orchestras
Orchestras and orchestral instrumentalists look funny when they play but not me, so I'm gonna be the one to say that's who I am and who most other people today are who are already "adults." Not my children and students.
YouTube
I went to college here for the dance but couldn't find it and was a music major and took Music Education, and singing. I wanted to do gymnastics, too, and go to Loyola, as well, but maybe I'll go here... I wasn't accepted to an apartment but they sounded encouraging about college here.
Glaringly Stern
A maybe mixed girl who I thought was Latino but now Black said to turn down my music, and I was upset at how she treated me, I just squinted and then opened my eyes wide up or down and probably said okay and turned it down. She was bossy, anyway. I heard her say she learned to speak English in like 2015.
I might tell some people that people try to provoke me or treat me racistly all the time or something.
Of course, I felt like a teacher.
Saturday, September 28, 2024
Naptime
It's noisy. I'm going to bed. The nursing home is, of course, just sending secret messages being mean to me. You know, not to wait too long to announce it, but Andre Rieu's music group is sending secret message I say are mean but also inexcusable underground. It seems it will linger and I can make fun of it in some way, later. Well, you know, I just can't believe they turned on me. I shouldn't look bad and be made fun of like I did something. For instance, not all fat people, like if a pretty blonde who can lose weight, are made fun of. I know they're just messing with someone like me.
"Sit Tall"
I sat with the older people in the nursing home and tried not moving or opening my mouth etc. and sitting still without shifting as much as possible ... and my torso/spine felt shorter. Interesting. Sorta how I feel when imagining or seeing other people. It did hurt sometimes, in ways.
Gymnastics...
It was right I did gymnastics because it's a good training for the body, like ballet or dance. They do let you perform and dance with the gymnastics skills. The thinking is you stop, maybe around puberty, but still do dance/ballet and probably would do a classical orchestral musical instrument. (Anyone can do piano or get into it, maybe with money and time.)
The funny thing about dance is people move to dance team or, like ballet, even quit or go to cheerleading like some gymnasts end up doing, too. Actually, ballet takes pictures in costumes, like dance competition team and has The Nutcracker yearly for Christmas, in which everyone performs, which can also involve a resident company of "young adults" of the time.
The nice thing about gymnastics is it probably does revel and "take pride in" that it's probably better regarding things like being based on something cuter and not just "pop music" or "classical music" for ballet. The problem is that they can get shuffled into cheerleading, and that's totally different and not even attractive for a gymnast. It becomes beast-y and a "popularity contest." The fun thing about dance team is probably the football game and dancing with the band and in front of the flag team, as well. It also works with the cheerleaders. They are probably the most sought after on Facebook and must post pictures of their children and not exercise, like maybe if they are already attractive enough. A gymnast still might not feel like that's the smartest thing, like say over ballet.
Everyone "sings."
So, I wonder if it makes sense for a girl who does gymnastics until almost puberty to do "dance." I guess it would be a busy schedule to compete in both when young. When dancers and ballerinas do gymnastics, often it's to gain tumbling skills or to do a back walkover and maybe other things.
I've got to say, in my day especially, doing gymnastics is probably better for the way it's cuter and more disciplined. However, I would also do ballet and dance on the side so you don't get clumsy and to gain an edge over when you do dance to compete in gymnastics. Some gymnastics studios even offer dance. It could be there or maybe at a dance studio. You could always switch into competition later as a better be than not taking any classes if your schedule works. I would quit gymnastics when I got older, though. I don't want to train my whole life just to flip a little more. I would still do gymnastics and probably be allowed to do it for fun enough. So, I do do art. As for classical orchestras, I guess I would look at that and wonder if I'd not be able to do ballet recitals if I was in an orchestra young. I can say it's fun and you're supposed to learn something. I was actually in piano and wanted to be in orchestra, but I didn't know which instrument, yet, so I changed in college. So, yea, I would start some instrument, hopefully the right one, when I was around 5 or something, possibly significantly younger. I'm not sure what age orchestras usually start, but many schools just have band. Maybe, they do orchestra after school.
Dropbox
Girls With Parents "From Fort Lauderdale"
Lily Rose
Lily Rose
EDIT: It's "Girls With Parent or Parents 'From Fort Lauderdale.'"
Food
I had some tortilla/corn chips, carrots and mushrooms, and a peanut butter wafer bar (Nature Valley.)
I want to shower but am staying up for breakfast.
Dream
Part of my dream was I was sitting on stage, in a middle row in the middle, of Andre Rieu's orchestra. It was weird because I don't dream about that "POV" or "point of view." So, it was very real. I remember, maybe Andre Rieu was aware even, I was used to being on stage. It was like dark but with the lights so bright like glaring all white inbetween "us" and the audience. I could see little bumps for people, kinda like clip art but not really. I remember a black curtain maybe opened partway. I just saw a sorta big dark shadow of Andre Rieu and heard his voice projecting.
Aside from that, I remember I even got up and left in the middle for a break and came back. I had a sewing tomato. I collected them in different colors and sizes. In the end, I got a grape like I wanted. In the end, it was a lady who seemed like 7' tall in charge at the end, kinda unruly medium brown hair. She asked me how tall I was, and she was like 5'10" or maybe 5'9". I was explaining some that I was 5'2" and finally said I was 5'2" and said I had short legs. As I left at the end, I was sizing myself to others, and the lady seemed welcome but made me uncomfortable that I noticed her and was aligning myself to semi-cute girls and shoo'd out. It was weird how real that seemed as I never imagined that point of view and it just popped up.
When I woke up, I could have been happier but wondered why I was so ugly and as now unshowered, and smelly but not like dirt or something too too bad. I'm in a nursing home and didn't feel as bad and didn't shower like more than a day, for one of the first times at this nursing home, and you can really tell with my hair.
So, when I heard Andre Rieu and saw his shadow, I had in the back of my mind it settled how people were jealous like in the orchestra but it was shallow and I didn't think of it too much. I was proud I knew about being on stage, as I am still human and different perhaps maybe better at it than many others, not just in the orchestra, for some reason I haven't precisely figured. I didn't think about my fan obsession but just a little feeling maybe and something else, like just ooh I like him, another shallow getaway. I was so struck by his somewhat powerful voice, and I enjoyed it. I don't know if there was any musical instruments. We had the chairs, which were probably dark and plastic. I don't know, maybe they're plastic and it's a nice material. Hopefully it's a nice professional plastic.
Oh, and I was sizing my torso to the other girls. They weren't tiny. We went out to our cars, too, in the parking lot. I think the cars were small and cute like a child's video game, like an educational one in outer space, or a cartoon of theirs with more details and cute design, all different, however not that many cars like something was missing like some of us took the bus. There were different colors but not much, like purple maybe, yellow, green blue. There was a tiny motorcycle, which would also not fit, on the sidewalk area like a park kinda like in Frilly. The person with it there was reprimanded, like someone on my Facebook from high school. I forget what else happened, but I almost have the feeling of driving cautiously almost like in a safari but like in pieces, blocks, or visions/flashes.
Good Night!
Since I need a shower, to a degree, I'm gonna go to sleep because I'm tired, but I don't need a shower that badly. I do have some diabetic nerve pain but got my main insulin back tonight.
Friday, September 27, 2024
Being Talked to or Not
If you were special and got to do cool things or sometimes got to talk to someone you liked a lot who was older, would everyone else stop talking to you?
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