It was a spicy chicken sandwich.
Wednesday, September 25, 2024
Food
film|boards is slow. I'm going back inside and upstairs to my room with my roommate or if she's there and to eat a spicy chicken sandwich and drink ice cold water and sometime after have pizza rolls probably. I also have my fruits and vegetables. I was outside over an hour. I probably won't go back out, might even to go sleep if I'm not up having fun on film|boards. I'm hungry, anyway.
Food
I had some of 2 fish sandwiches for supper in the nursing home and some apple juice. Not that great.
Andre Rieu - Birthday
Andre looks like he's crying for his birthday, very cute so I love him! You...?!
Food and Shower
I had a granola bar, wafer.
I took a shower and cut my fingernails, no whites, trimmed.
I had a cookie from downstairs.
The receptionist thinks I got an extension, and the social worker may come to see me, tomorrow. I just want to make sure I'm not paying for extensions.
Assignment From Counselor
I'm supposed to think of something good about myself.
When I was in preschool, I was able to stand in the back of the class and spread my arms open wide and collect the class, in an interesting and very "real" way that's hard to describe. I was only 3 years old, though, and it seemed strange. Everyone else seemed like an individual little child. How I could do what I did was strange, as it came out of nowhere. I think the kids knew I was doing that, though I was in the back, maybe looking around or at the teacher in front. I remember they seemed to say, maybe multiple times I was there, "Yea, we all did that," about being from "Florida" or the Miami area or the Fort Lauderdale area, which can be said "Fort Lauderdale" itself, as we all knew of and learned.
I know my dad's mom was at home, and she and my parents talked to my teacher and my teacher told me. It was about something else.
For awhile, the teacher was onto me. There were 2 teachers, and they both looked very old but not like old ladies. One was actually older than the other one. Both were women. The older one was more serious. The younger one was more fun and obese. I used to always remember their names but forgot.
After awhile I was all cool. I remember the younger teacher, who was with us more and alone, was so proud when I did the cashier thing so well. It was a play set. The other kids, for some reason, were attune to that everyone was getting different jobs and some seemed like slave's work. I was one of the ones or only ones who didn't see it as a problem, as we weren't supposed to be. I felt so clear and clean. My grandma didn't make a fuss and accepted it, knew I guess, at least at home and likely could be there, as was sometimes. Things were so powerful and big, I guess as is the nature of things that go on in Fort Lauderdale. So, you get the picture. I wasn't too callous or obtuse or anything like that, though. I remember being fine with the other kids who might be around, not many at a time. However, my dad came early and acted like something was wrong, and I was so I upset. I didn't get tired or anything and could stay there all day. It was just clean and good and powerful. My dad even acted ghey and like I was in trouble and when I got out. He sorta wanted me happy to see him and seemed aware I wanted him to leave the house and exercise for himself.
"The Beach Life"
So, what, do people, both Black and White, from Up North shit on the beach? I don't need them to waste my time, reacting to their messages.
"In Good Taste"
I bet the "good kids" Up North would eat these disgusting egg "cakes."
People forget I have the taste of a Eurasian, which is probably better.
"So Uncool"
Why do Early Baby Boomers act like you're not cool if you're good in ways that seems more mature or classical but attractive and even modern still? It's almost like the thing where it's not cool to be smart, but most people act like that's what you notice, like that's "money" for kids and "what's good," like, socially.
I wonder if that's how people got cool, "dumbing it down," around the early 2000s, like the kids with some "1950s" parenting, by romping around in flip flops and Bath and Body Works, which seemed to discontinue all its "glitz and glam" in the mid 2000s.
Following My Conscience
I just realized people have been digging through my conscience and following it, somehow, like the ones working in the nursing home, and trying to follow it and make me not feel so proper, cute, etc., and so good about myself morally and nice to others. I know it's because bad mothers born in the early 1950s are venting and, essentially, "out to get me."
I'm upset at how I might have been affected. The people in the nursing home of this area, including the older people staying here, speed through thoughts and don't care for their meaning, like it all has to be enunciated then forgotten. It's been over a month, now.
I know this also relates to people not wanting you to be proper or "careful." I do it to look good, even if I don't always seem open. It's to show nothing matters and you're not "the one," in any way or important and respectable way.
Dream
I went to some convention for young people. It was like I had done this before, where I came and this guy liked my Pop Tarts and was heating one up in a toaster, and then an Asian girl, as well. Then, me. It was supposed to take 20 minutes for me when one fell to the bottom in a pool of something like grease. It sorta seemed like that or maybe 1 minute.
I remembered Ellen DeGeneres from my last dream.
So, I sat down. We flew in our own vehicles. I watched to see if a circle of light someone shot would destroy one but it averted them all naturally. There were like hundreds, maybe, in sight. They looked skinny like bugs, though, mostly. Then they said these lights could escort us out and turned into I saw 2 different AI robots.
I met my mom and younger brother and walked a long time, seemed like 1/2 hour but was only like a few minutes. There was a family with a little girl with blonde hair or very light brown and bangs. Later, she was taller with dark hair with curls and her skin seemed slightly dark sorta light. I guess I was jumping along. It became obvious I did ballet. It was about being Chinese, and I just said my mom was Indonesian and saw her trying to do the same thing, with her bony feet.
I was thinking of attending a live Ellen DeGeneres event, unless I slept, and talked about L.A. live. We were thinking how it was dangerous to have all live events live there.
I'd been hearing my heart/blood beating, earlier. It seemed to be why I was jumping. The swelling in my head seemed to go down. It looks shorter and not as pointy. I think a cute boy in my class but 1 1/2 years older (another perfect and beyond perfect person etc. and even stimulating as most older kids were too) my 1st year of high school wanted it that way. :( The warbling made me think of something from a non-gross horror movie, like a bouncing, sorta warped smiley in an empty space or 3D cartoon room, sorta a more big one not a tiny emoji. The smiley was sorta 3D sorta 2D, maybe yellow or grayish/pale blue. I thought of this awake, I know, thinking of my jumping. Yes, it was scary. I might have to leave the nursing home today with only, like "2 days" of notice. Before going to bed this time, I thought of 3 people involved like a cartoon vision, 3D and cool.
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Food
I had 2 Nature Valley nut bars and some multi-cheese pizza rolls.
I also have my big jug of ice and water.
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